Saturday, November 20, 2010
Once we cracked open the wine and started refilling each other's glass, it wasn't long before the stories of our upbringing surfaced. As we strolled down memory lane, we couldn't help but compare the childhoods of our children to what we had considered normal 40 years ago. So much has changed in such a short time. We remember the simple games and toys we had compared to the computurized and electronic gadgets and must-have toys of today.
We laughed hysterically about the day our Mum had noticed that Deb had been in her room and very quiet for a while. Mum called out "what are you doing Debbie?" to which a little voice answered, "oh, just sweeping up my bangs!" We didn't have a lot of store bought toys, so we made our own fun. Deb's experiment with cutting her own hair or sometimes wearing a clothes basket on her head that was adorned with clothespins, was actually a precurser of the days to come when she would grow up to be quite the fashion plate in the New Wave and punk movement of the 80's.
I spent hours learning to walk on homemade stilts that our father had fashioned from a couple of 2x4s. We played in the fields near our home all day long with only our imaginations, our faithful dog and a couple of dolls. No one worried if we were gone all day because they knew we'd come home at suppertime, tired, a little dirty and browned by the sun. But this lack of supervision had a down side, like the time we redecorated the wallpaper in the spare bedroom of the rental we were living in with our brand new set of "Paint Wheels"!
At one point we had to give up our bedroom to our visiting grandmother, so Dad moved our bunkbeds out into the landing on the second floor. We would lie awake for hours watching out the window at the big semi-tractor trailers going by lit up like Christmas Trees, making up stories about what they were hauling and where they had been; and don't forget that vent in the floor that allowed the heat to rise up into our room. We'd lie on the floor peering down into the room below and wait for our parents and their friends to order pizza. Then we'd make our way downstairs for a drink of water or some other trumped up reason, to beg for a piece. Eating out was a rare treat and we relished every bite as we polished off that little wedge of pizza between us.
Deb & I talked late into the night about the things we'd done and we realized that we could probably write for hours about the family members who had put the 'fun' into disfunctional (which would fill another post!). In the end, we couldn't decide if we were really disadvantaged by our childhoods, or if maybe our own children in this world of cell phones, computers and video games are the ones missing out.
What do you think?
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
After my first post, my youngest daughter, who was 28 at the time, asked me how I was ever going to be able to blog more than a few times on my chosen subject. I hadn't really thought about it.
Today marks my 50th post.
Last night as I was reading some of the older posts, I realized that I've begun a personal spiritual healing. Reliving and writing about the events that molded me into the person I am today has reminded me that I somehow wandered away from my core beliefs. Without consciously realizing it, I've begun to take back control. For the first time in many, many months I'm living life proactively - again making my own reality. I'm currently in the process of buying a new home. At the same time I'm spending many of the summer days with special friends and family, once again connecting with my core circle of beings. For the next little while I expect my posts, if there are any, will be sporadic at best as I make all the arrangements and do all the tasks associated with a major move.
But, I'll be back with many more theological musings before you know it and I hope you'll drop by and check them out. I love your comments and discussion points and I always try respond to them. Bright blessings.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
No matter how many reasons you can think of to convince yourself that what happens is not your fault, the simple fact is:
You make your own reality.
Earlier posts have discussed how we make our life plan and carry it out and how we create the world we exist in. If this is a concept you can't come to terms with, think about how often you've heard a star athlete attribute his/her success to believing they could achieve their goal. There are any number of motivational speakers on the circuit who teach methods for success by using visualization techniques. They tell their students to visualize themselves starting that new job or getting that big promotion. Dozens of weight loss and exercise programs use positive thinking and visualizaton to encourage their participants to make the lifestyle changes necessary to achieve the physical goals they're reaching for. And there are any number of documented cases of physical healings that can't be explained by anything but belief.
If people can apply the concept of making things come true simply by believing, why is it so difficult to take that next small step to understanding that you make the difference; that you create the reality??
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
The last post began expanding on the concept that we collectively create and design our world. If you are a creationist and want to compare this to the biblical account of creation, try breaking it down into the following simple elements.
All That Is created the world; and
Each of us is a component or part of All That Is; so
We created the world.
Again, in order to accept this concept, we have to accept our own responsibility for the world and what happens to it. Just as we are responsible for the events that happen to us in our individual incarnations, we must also accept that we are responsible for what happens to the world at large as well. This now begs the question, why would we subject ourselves to all of the catastrophic events that occur? Why are there floods, tsunamis, droughts, tornadoes, avalanches, earthquakes and all of the other nice curveballs that "Mother Nature" throws at us? Don't we have enough to contend with already?
Actually, there are as many reasons for these 'natural' events that we create subconsciously as there are for the 'human' events such as war or environmental disasters that are created by us consciously. A 'natural' disaster is often a way for one incarnational group to force help from other incarnational groups. Remember that we're all here to learn something. In order for all of our incarnational experiences to be realized, we all have to assume one role or another. Some will choose to be 'victims', while others will choose to be 'rescuers'. So let's hypothosize that the 'victims' are living in abject poverty, and the 'rescuers', for whatever reason, are not responding to that need. The occurance of a 'natural' disaster will very often act as a catalyst to mobilize the 'rescuers' into action by drawing their full attention to the plight of the 'victims'.
This example has been over-simplified in order to get to its most basic structure and components. It's not intended to be an example of any particular or specific event that has happened, but as an outline of why the creation of a natural disaster can actually be beneficial and even desirable to a set of incarnational groups.
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Of course, to me it isn't.
As introduced in my last post, I believe that reality as we know it is the result of our collective consciousness designing and creating an environment in which our physical bodies can survive and thrive. The myriad of climates, land masses, ocean, flora and fauna provide us with as many landscapes to inhabit as we can create lifetimes.
People have and do live in not only the lush and comfortable climates, but in the cold, dry or otherwise inhospitable ones as well. They migrate to an area and begin adapting to what it provides. They learn to exist on whatever food is available and build their villages and towns out of whatever natural materials are available. In short, throughout the ages and through numerous lives, they gain layers and layers of experience individually and collectively by inhabiting different areas and focusing on different types of society.
We know from studying history that many powerful civilizations have risen, only to fall and disappear into the shadows of some new and even more powerful system. Sometimes they fall to conquerors, sometimes to disease, sometimes to climate change, earthquake, volcanic action or other catastrophic natural disaster. But whatever the cause of a society's downfall, the reason is still the same - it happens because that experiment has gone as far as the inhabitants wish to take it, so they collectively set in motion some happening, or series of events to end that particular line of history so that a new direction and focus can take over.
In a nutshell, the point I'm making and want to leave you with, is that no natural disaster that changes any society is some freak accident. It is always planned and executed by the collective consciousness of the entities who are impacted by it.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Not as easily understood is how we collectively create our environment. How together we design and engineer the physical world we live in. Perhaps it's more easily understood if we look at it as a further extension of our subconscious abilities. If we can plan and execute our individual roles and lessons within the core circle of our family and friends in each lifetime - is it such a huge step further to realize that we all, as a larger group, create the physical world?
How better to execute our reincarnational plan than to do it in a place that we create - a location that is perfectly suited to the physical form we have assumed for a short time? In order to accept this concept, one must set aside the creationist theory - that the earth and everything in it was created by a supreme being and the evolutionary theory - that we began as single cell life forms and evolved to our current state. We have to accept a new theory - that we created our environment and everything in it and we continue to create and refine it every moment.
If you can believe that your ka is immortal, that you have lived dozens of lives throughout history and that you are an integral part of the All That Is, then you are not that far from understanding how you have contributed to the physical world as well.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Unfortunately, if one society encountered another that had a different set of rules (or religion), their absolute belief and conviction that theirs was the "right" one, could, and often would, lead to war.
Of course this description is very basic and simple. There are many complex dynamics that contribute to the strife we still see among differing sects and societies; the point or question that I really want you to consider in this post, is how can we reconcile our societal differences in a peaceful way, when all of the participants believe passionately that theirs is the right way and everyone else is wrong?
The answer is education, not subjugation. If we can educate the populations of those societies that are in need of more food, or better living conditions, or that have oppresive governments, we will have given them the tools to build strong, healthy, more peaceful societies. The problem lies with the enforcers - they don't want to lose their positions of power, so they will resist any attempt to educate the general population.
Because we live in the age of instant communication and we have the ability to know immediately what is happening anywhere on the earth, for the first time in our history we are a position to reach all people. It is not our religious beliefs we need to be sharing; instead we need to be educating those subjugated or poorer societies. We need to be building schools and spreading our knowledge of medicine, agriculture, industry, history and the arts. This will take a few generations to come to fruition, but eventually, through education and interaction with the rest of the world, we can adopt and adapt to each others' best traits and begin to think as one society instead of the sadly fragmented and secular groups we have been historically and still are today.
Sunday, May 2, 2010
We not only choose the society we inhabit, we contribute to it as well. While we're living our 'focus' life, our psyche is helping with the development and construction of its societal mores. For example, if you live in a democratic society, you help maintain it physically by casting your votes and mentally by following your society's rules. By supporting and believing in your society, you enable your ka and those of your inner circle of family and friends to perform the specific functions they have decided upon, while at the same time holding together a societal structure for other core groups to work within as well.
While we may think that some societies other than our own are unfair, or wrong, or misguided, the fact is that they wouldn't exist if they weren't required by the people who live within them. Throughout mankind's history, our societal and phyiscal differences have often resulted in violence and bloodshed. We build models, try them on for a while and then leave them behind to try other experiments. This is how we learn and grow.
In each current life, we are passionate about our beliefs. So much so that we may strive to force them upon others, without understanding that those complex structures have been built by 'other' societies to fill their specific requirements. Yet it is also true that if we contribute to the destruction of another society, it is still within the realms of ending one experiment to move on to another.
The conundrum is that whether we participate in the building or destruction of a society - we're still working within the overall plan. Where this gets tricky, from an insructional point of view, is that it appears to be permission to be violent or destructive towards a different segment of society. This is not the case. Remember earlier postings that emphasized karma and the fact that any act performed in one lifetime will come back to you in another. We should always be working to end violence - especially violence committed in the name of a religion or societal belief system. There are many peaceful, loving ways to deal with our differences and that is where our focus should always be.
Friday, April 23, 2010
When you find yourself questioning the path you're on or you're dealing with a particularly difficult situation, by shifting your focus from what is bothering you to what is around you, your physical surroundings will automatically sooth and comfort you. This is part of your make up that you probably don't even realize.
At one point in my life, I had to move to central Canada for work reasons. I went there with an open mind and even a sense of excitement to be moving to a bigger center, rife with culture compared to the area I was born in. After less than a month I was filled with longing for the sea. The Great Lakes are huge bodies of water, but when you stand on the shore, the smells and sounds feel nothing like standing on the shores of the full blown Atlantic Ocean. I realized with wonder that I needed the ocean, it's actually a part of me. Even one of the world's biggest lakes couldn't come close to taking the place of the ocean in my soul.
The earth is a part of each of us, and we are the Earth's keepers. Of all the creatures that exist, we alone, except for perhaps the whales and dolphins, are actually aware of the earth and its part in our lives. This week, a day was designated as Earth Day in order to remind us of our duty to look after it, as it looks after us. I would encourage everyone to think of everyday as Earth Day, and remind you not to overlook that this Earth is an important, integral part of your being.
Monday, April 12, 2010
I'm drawn to the ocean - maybe because I'm a water sign (Cancer) - or maybe for other reasons. I love the harbour city where I live on the east coast of the Atlantic Ocean just the way it is, but shortly after moving here in the 1980s, I became aware that I'd lived here before when I unexpectedly "remembered" it as it once was.
I was born a couple of hundred miles from here and came to this area because my husband's work dictated we must. We bought a house not far from the seashore and the road home passed right along a rocky stretch of beach. One evening as I was driving home from work I came around a bend in the road and suddenly had a vision of that same beach, but in another time. In my mind's eye, I saw long wooden racks of fish with smokey fires burning beneath them. Adults were working busily catching and gutting the fish and laying them on the long racks to dry under the billowing smoke while older children tended the fires. The younger children ran up and down the beach throwing stones and waving their arms at swooping seagulls to keep them away from the precious smoked fish that would help carry them through the long cold winter. My vision lasted only a moment, but in those few seconds I stepped into another time. Then the beach reverted to it's current state of barren rocks, waves and water and I was back in the modern world of supermarkets and speciality stores, where I'd never even thought about how fish was caught and preserved long ago. That little glimpse of another time was so clear and detailed, that I have no doubt I'd lived it myself and I still think about it often. I obviously have an affinity for this part of the world that has brought me back.
Along with the physical environment I enjoy so very much, comes a social structure that allows freedom of choice in almost every aspect of life. As long as I pay my taxes and live within the confines of our legal system, there are no religious or political restrictions in this part of the world that inhibit me from persuing whatever path I wish to follow. It is because of these freedoms that I can develop my own theories and religious belief systems and share them with others. This might not be the case if I'd chosen to reincarnate into a some other areas of the world. In my next post, I'll discuss other types of society and the importance of cultural diversity.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
While we are each individual and separate in our waking lives, on the subconscious level nothing is further from the truth. In this physical life we walk alone, but in our sleeping lives, and in the intervals between our physical lives, we are totally connected. Just as we have an inner circle of entities who make up our closely related groups or families, we are also part of the much larger outer group whose focus is not on the individual experience, but the overall environment in which we function and have those experiences.
So, while we decide individually who will do what in each lifetime so that we can each undertake our personal learning paths, as a group, we decide on the type of environment we will journey through. This environment is not only the physical world, but the technology of that world as well.
There are deserts, oceans, mountains, glaciers, plains, boreal forests, and rain forests in every possible combination and/or permutation imaginable. Yet all people are basically the same. Yes, we have some obvious cosmetic physical differences, but overall, we are generally the same type of being no matter which environment we inhabit. So, with just a few adjustments in how we clothe it, our physical body is capable of adapting to almost any environment the earth has to offer. This adds a myriad of choices to the type of life and experience we can choose.
Monday, March 22, 2010
What never fails to surprise me is how life pushes you along paths you never intended to travel. The last couple of years have been difficult ones for me personally, and as I struggle to find my new 'normal', I find instead that the Universe is very firmly plotting my path away from the future I was sure of and into a realm completely unexpected (and I might add, undesired) at least on a conscious level.
Lately it seems that I've been experiencing the same lesson over and over and frankly, it's getting a bit tiresome. I'd like to think that I'm not obtuse, but this time I haven't a clue what the point is and where it's leading. It's getting easier to understand how people sometimes get 'lost' on their journey.
I'm actually in awe of those people who are risk takers - the ones who suddenly do a complete turn around and follow their heart to a new and self-fulfilling place. This often happens after a major life event - perhaps a brush with death or the loss of a loved one, or maybe just a sense of time running out and a need to complete all the tasks on the 'bucket list'. Whatever the cause, my hat is off to those who can and do.
The important thing is to recognize a major shift in the plan when it happens and not be afraid to find out where it leads. When life's path takes an unexpected and/or unpleasant twist, we need to remember that in spite of the fact that it appears to be chaos, everything in life eventually does and will make perfect sense, even if it isn't the road we always thought we'd travel.
Sunday, March 14, 2010
When I've made major decisions in my life, occasionally I've found that there is a force that pushes me in a direction that I probably would not have chosen when it happened, but later turns out to be exactly right. It's hard not to push back when this occurs, especially when you're certain you're doing what you really want. If the decision you make is not aligned with the path you've chosen for this life, it will become a difficult (but usually not impossible) path to travel. The reason I say not impossible, is because we always have free will, which gives us the option of following a different path, although it may be at our own peril. On a few stubborn occasions, I've forced something to happen in spite of the fact that the choice I'm making is fraught with roadblocks and difficulties. An example of this that almost everyone can identify with is the forging of relationships.
We all know of someone who has forced a relationship when it was apparent that it would not and most likely could not work. People are social animals and it's natural for them to crave companionship, love and acceptance from others and especially from a mate. However, some people are so determined to be in relationship, that they ignore the warnings of their inner self and steadfastly cling to the wrong partner, even long after they've admited to themselves that the relationship is a mistake.
For any major life decison, whether it's buying a house, choosing a mate, changing jobs, whatever - if we've made the right choice, we'll experience minimal inner turmoil or regret, the path will have little or no resistance and things will just naturally 'fall' into place.
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Sometimes the signs and/or symbolism simply eludes us because we're so embroiled in the physical and emotional aspects of a situation that we totally miss them. This really became clear to me when I was writing the last series of posts. It's been over 20 years since I met Celia and more than 12 years since I lost my loved one, but it was only now, during the writing of the series of posts about Celia, that I was hit with the symbolism of The Littlest Hobo (the tv program Celia and I watched together faithfully). How ironic that the program we enjoyed together so much was about a dog who came into people's lives just long enough to make a positive difference, then moved on - exactly what Celia did for me!
Our inner self will sometimes provide signs of what's to come, often through dreams or events that offer us little clues. Unfortunately, we often make the mistake of writing off these signs as "coincidence". Over the years I've come to the conclusion that there really aren't any coincidences and that what seem like random events when they occur, actually make perfect sense later when viewed in retrospect.
Of course, that's probably where we got the saying that hindsight is 20/20...
Friday, March 5, 2010
For the past 2 years a close family member had been receiving treatments for a malignant tumor. I knew the illness was serious, but I had been assured the treatments would be successful. Unfortunately, the Universe had other plans. In early August I received a call asking me to come home right away, the treatments had failed and time was fast running out.
In no time at all, I was on the road.
At 42 years old, I wasn't a stranger to the loss of loved ones, but my sadness at the passing of a friend or relative had always been tempered by the firm belief system I'd developed over many years of study and research. I had never doubted that we would meet in other times in other lives. But now, faced with the loss of an immediate family member who I loved dearly and who's time was far too soon, the doubts began to creep in.
I was experiencing a crisis of faith.
This illness and impending death was so senseless, such an unfair waste of a precious young life, that I questioned everything I'd ever believed. The world held so many people of so many faiths - could I really be sure that mine was right? Did I really know that there was an afterlife and this was not the end? In my secret heart, I knew that I didn't. My grief and disbelief were such that I could not believe on faith alone. I simply couldn't let him go because I didn't know for certain that there was anywhere to go to.
As each day brought us closer to the inevitable, my turmoil became worse. My heart was heavy and my faith was shattered, but I did what I had to do. We made sure that a family member was at the hospital 24 hours a day, and each day I took my shift, torn between my determination to be there and my need to run as far away as I could.
At the time I was still a smoker, so when the nurses needed the family out of the room for a few minutes, I would go outside to have my cigarette. It was a windy afternoon and as I struggled to light my cigarette, my mind was racing with questions and fears and doubt. I had my face to the wall as I lit a third match and tried again. "DAMMITT!" I exclaimed in frustration as a puff of wind extinguished yet another tiny flame. I threw the match on the ground impatiently and ripped another from the folding match book.
It was then that I heard a woman speaking with a strong Acadian French accent say, "You have to face into the wind".
"I'm sorry, what did you say?" I asked as I turned around to face the speaker.
The hairs on the nape of my neck stood straight up and for a moment I forgot to breathe. The elderly woman looking up at me was dwarfed by the wheel chair that held her. She had shoulder length snow white hair and her right leg was elevated and swathed in bandages. But what held my gaze and had stolen my breath was the swatch of white gauze taped tightly over her left eye.
"If you want to light your cigarette, you have to face INTO the wind", she repeated.
I started to stammer a reply, but had barely managed to say thank you when she maneuvered her wheel chair around and rolled away to join some other older ladies who were gathered together nearby.
I finally remembered to breathe again and managed to light my cigarette on the first try. My mind was racing at this impossible coincidence. The woman was not Celia, but the unique physical likeness was so compelling that I couldn't doubt who had sent her. And if Celia had sent her, then there was indeed somewhere to go when one left this world.
My sister had come looking for me and appeared at my side a few moments later. "Look over by that wall" I said quietly, motioning in the direction the woman had gone.
My sister's eyes widened in surprise, "It's Celia!".
Relief flooded over me, it wasn't my imagination, or a hallucination, someone else could see her too.
"No, not Celia", I replied, "but a message from Celia".
Then I crushed my cigarette and with quiet deliberation, opened the hospital door and walked INTO the wind.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
I wasn't with Celia when she died.
In fact, if Celia's former roomate, Mary, hadn't called to let me know, I wouldn't have found out until my next visit to the hospital, or maybe through the newspaper obituaries. The 18 months that I spent developing a caring relationship with Celia counted for nothing; I wasn't family, so no one was obligated, or had even bothered, to notify me when she died.
Her obituary was short and non-descript. Except for Bert and his nephew, no other family members were named. I made note of where her body was resting and the hours for visitation, then closed the newspaper with a sigh.
On the appointed visitation day I left work early and went alone to visit Celia for the last time. The funeral home was silent and eeriely deserted. Not even an employee was anywhere to be seen. I walked into the room where her body rested, but no one was there to greet me.
I stood beside the casket and stared down at her. It was obvious that her bright print dress was brand new and had never been worn before. There was a rosary wrapped in her fingers and I smiled when I saw the only piece of jewellery she wore - the bangle bracelet I'd bought her for Christmas. The pain lines that had been etched into her face the last time I saw her were now smoothed away, and with her eyes closed gently as if sleeping, she no longer needed to wear the gauze bandage over her missing left eye. "Nothing can hurt you now," I whispered as I turned away. On the way out, I picked up a pen to sign the guest book. There was only one other name there, which I recognized as Bert's nephew.
As I climbed into my truck to head home, I wondered again how and why I'd been drawn into this unhappy saga. Why had I been destined to be so deeply involved in the final days of a tiny woman named Celia? She was simply a stranger who had come into my life, almost against my will, stayed a short season and changed me completely.
It would be 8 more years before I knew the reason.
To be continued....
Monday, March 1, 2010
I went straight to the hospital after work, stopping at the gift shop for a small bouquet and then at the information desk for directions to Celia's room. She was on the third floor and Bert was sitting right next to her when I entered her room. He looked at me gratefully and asked me if I'd stay with her while he took a smoke break. I nodded and settled into the chair next to her bed. Celia was barely aware of my presence, but she squeezed my hand when I said hello.
The cancer that had taken her eye a few years earlier was now invading her entire body. I had known for a while that she wasn't feeling well, but not being family, the nursing home was not obligated to disclose her physical condition to me when the cancer returned. Her pain was obvious. I stayed as long as I could, then sadly headed home.
For the next week I went straight to the hospital each night after work. Bert was always there, ever vigilent, powerless to help her, but holding her hand all the way. From my perspective, their violent history faded into nothingness and I marvelled at his love and loyalty. Celia's health deteriorated quickly, and she became unaware of her surroundings and her body was wracked by constant pain. I'd hold her tightly as she moaned and I'd wait impatiently for a nurse to bring Celia's next dose of morphine, which I knew would give her a short respite from the agony.
One evening near the end, the attending nurse brought the morphine in a tiny paper cup and lifted Celia's head to administer the dose orally. As I watched most of the precious drug dribble down Celia's chin due to her inability to swallow, I totally lost my cool. "Bring her another dose!" I demanded. "She hardly got any of that one and it's not going to last the 4 hours." The nurse shook her head, the doctor's orders were one dose every 4 hours, there would be no more til then. I'm normally a calm person, but this time I just lost it. "PLEASE BRING HER MORE NOW!" I said emphatically, "are you afraid she's going to get addicted or what! She's dying for Christ's sake, WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU??"
The nurse looked at me coldly and her tone was icy, "who are you?" she asked, knowing full well that I was a simply a volunteer from the nursing home. "If you say another word, I'll have you banned from visiting. You're not family and you have no rights here". With that, the nurse turned her back on us and strode out of the room. I knelt down and took Celia in my arms. She was so tiny and the pain was immense. With each wave of pain her body shook like a rag doll.
With tears of frustraton streaming down my face I held her tightly and cursed whatever power had set this thing in motion. What the hell was I doing here, holding a stranger in my arms and trying to ease her pain? How had I become entangled in this mess? I knew nothing about medical matters or health care, I'd never seen anyone die, and this was certainly not of my choosing. I railed at the gods for setting this woman in my path.
I was helpless and the situation was hopeless.
To be continued....
Sunday, February 28, 2010
At first my relationship with Celia was stilted and uncomfortable. I'd visit and we'd just kind of sit there unless the weather was good and I could take her in a wheelchair around the grounds. She shared her room with a lady named Mary. Mary had a close family and lots of visitors and it wasn't long before Celia got a little jealous of all the attention Mary was receiving. My visits became important to Celia and if Mary tried to chat with me when I arrived, Celia made it very clear who's visitor I was!
Over time I learned that Celia had lost her left eye to cancer and that the bandages on her right leg helped support a bone that had never healed properly - the result of one of her many beatings. Still, she talked incessantly about her husband, Bert, and how she missed him. " 'E never come to see me!" she'd wail in her deep French accent, her heart clearly broken. I asked her about the abuse she had suffered at his hands all those years, but she simply shrugged and explained that while she worked as a waitress in a greasy diner, he laboured on the fishing boats and was gone for weeks at time. When he got home, they liked to drink and fight and many times she had deliberately provoked him. They had no children and she had never complained about their lifestyle - it was Social Services that took her away and hid her from him, she hadn't wanted to go.
I really couldn't argue with her or tell her she was wrong. It was her life, her plan and now here she was, spending her final days alone with a stranger who had been foisted upon her. I spoke to the volunteer coordinator about Celia's loneliness, but only Social Services could authorize permission for Celia's husband to visit.
By now I had settled into a new routine at home, started a full time job and my sister Deb had moved into my spare room to help out with my 2 girls while my husband was away at sea. I fell into visiting Celia twice most weeks. Sometimes I'd bring my sister along and we'd pop in on our way out shopping, but I'd usually come by on Sunday afternoon for an hour or so and always at 7:00 on Thursday nights to watch The Littlest Hobo with her (this was a half hour show about a German Shepherd that wandered into people's lives making a difference and moving on. At the time, I didn't see the connection to my relationship with Celia). Celia loved that show and that German Shepherd dog. "That's some smart dog!" she'd exclaim in her thick French accent, "I just love that leetle Hobo!"
One Sunday afternoon when I walked into Celia and Mary's room, I was surprised to see an elderly man sitting in the chair next to Celia's bed, holding tightly to her hand. Celia happily introduced me to her husband, Bert, a frail little man in a threadbare suit. He had finally found her, she gushed, and his nephew had brought him to visit. As long as he behaved, he had permission to see her every Sunday. My feelings about Celia and Bert's life together were unimportant - it wasn't for me to judge. I was simply happy that they were reunited, if that's what she wanted. Now my visits fell to only once a week, our regular Thursday night date with "Leetle Hobo".
Christmas came and I brought Celia a card and a gift. She opened the package and held tightly to the bangle bracelet, so happy to have it, but a little embarrassed that she had nothing for me. I kissed her forehead and assured her it was fine, but I thought at the time she was looking pale. I gave Mary my phone number and told her to call me if Celia should need anything.
Just a few nights later my phone rang and it was Mary. Celia had become ill and the amublance had come and taken her to the hospital. I thanked Mary for calling and made plans to stop at the hospital on my way home from work the very next night.
To be continued....
Saturday, February 27, 2010
In 1988 my military husband was posted to a new city, so we pulled up roots and moved on down the road. I was a stay-at-home mom and with my youngest child heading off to her first year of school, I found myself with time on my hands. Just up the hill from our new house was a large seniors complex (at that time we called them nursing homes) and I decided that since it was so handy, I'd see if they could use a volunteer. I thought maybe I could help them with some of the little events they organized for the residents, you know, birthday parties, sing alongs, bingo nights.
I made an appointment and met with the volunteer coordinator. She told me that they did need volunteers, but that she had something quite different in mind for me than just helping with birthday parties. She explaned that a few days earlier, Social Services had removed an elderly woman from an abusive situation and brought her in for protection. She had been discovered living in squalor in a run down tenament house, battered and bruised from beatings admistered by her husband of 40 years. The woman had no one - no children, no siblings, no family, other than the abusive husband and she was lonely and afraid. Would I consider being her special friend?
This was way outside my comfort level. I hesitated and explained that I thought it was just too much to commit to - not at all what I had been thinking of when I offered my services. The volunteer coordinator sighed, "we really need someone", she said, "someone who's not associated with another resident here and has extra time for a very special person. Would you consider just stopping in to meet her before you make your final decision?" Feeling a little trapped, I reluctantly agreed.
Somewhat apprehensively, I walked into Celia's room. She was a tiny little lady with snow white hair cut just above her shoulders. What struck me right away was the large patch of white gauze taped across her left cheek completely covering her eye. She was dwarfed by the big recliner she sat in, both legs elevated, but the right one wrapped in bandaging. I could see fear and confusion in the one bright eye that assessed me when the volunteer coordinator introduced us. "I don't want to be here," Celia told me in no uncertain terms. I was surprised by the heavy French accent and wondered absently where she was originally from. "When can I go back to Clyde Street?" she demanded.
The volunteer coordinator sat down so she could speak to Celia at eye level and took the older lady's hand. "You have to stay here for a while, Celia. Beverly has come to visit you today, you're not alone" With that, the coordinator stood and left the room, leaving me to sink or swim. Always able to take control of an unconformatable situation and put people at ease, I opened our conversation by commenting on her French accent and asking her where she was from. Celia was hesitant and sometimes combative, but we managed to chat for 15 minutes or so.
The volunteer coordinator was waiting when I came into the hallway. "Well?" she asked.
"Ok," I said, not at all sure why I was doing this, "I'll try it".
To be continued....
Monday, February 15, 2010
You'll probably also find yourself drawn to certain periods in time. Maybe you can't read enough about the ancient Egyptians, or you've always wanted to visit that area of the world. You might feel a strong kinship to the peoples of South America, but be totally apathetic about the Nordic races. You may even see an artifact or location while watching tv or a movie and know immediately where and/or what it is. All of these little affinities are clues about your past. Tiny reminders of lifetimes that are so impressed into your psyche that you still remember them fondly (or perhaps with fear) today. If you can connect some of these affinities to vivid dreams you've had, you could very well be experiencing a glimpse of another lifetime.
Keep in mind that in most of your lifetimes you've had a plain and unremarkable existence in terms of history. There was only one Napolean, one Marie Antoinette and one Queen Victoria. The vast majority of the world was and is made of up of people living simple and often hard existences on their long journey of learning. Don't be afraid to realize that you've been a poor labourer in industrial Europe or a simple fisherman in a nameless coastal town. Begin to get in touch with your past by connecting what's in your dreams to what's in your life and never be afraid of who you may have been.
Sunday, February 14, 2010
The same is true of places, times and events. These memories are contained deep within your psyche and can't be explained by current life events. For instance, it's common to dream repeatedly about places you've never been in your current physical life. Perhaps there's a house or a city that forms the back-drop for many of your dreams, but in waking life you have no idea where it is. I once had a very good friend with whom I shared many similarities, however we had very different views of religion. She was a very traditional Baptist and we got along fine as long as we didn't discuss reincarnation or anything that smacked of non-traditional Christian beliefs.
She and her husband, who was in the Canadian military, were posted to a base in Germany in the late 1980s. They weren't thrilled to be sent off to Europe, but they made the most of it by travelling every chance they got. Although my husband was also in the military, we weren't so fortunate to be posted to Europe, but we did take the opportunity to visit our friends in Germany in fall of 1988. One evening not long after we'd arrived, as my friend and I shared a glass of wine, she asked me to tell her more about reincarnation. I wasn't just surprised, I was astounded. In the not too distant past, she had made it very clear that the subject of reincarnation was taboo, now suddenly she was asking me to tell her more. "What is it you want to know?" I asked, "has something happened?"
She nodded and said "There's a house that's been in my dreams as long as I can remember." I told her that wasn't uncommon and she shouldn't worry about it unless the dreams made her uneasy or unhappy.
As it turned out, she hadn't really ever given the house much thought at all. It was simply a location that turned up in her dreams now and then, sort of like a movie set or a sound stage, just a place for dreams to happen, but that all changed when she and her husband were touring in Spain. They had travelled some distance when they realized the map didn't seem to be helping and they were in a rural area far from the main highway. In an attempt to get them back the way they had come, my friend directed her husband to turn around in the next driveway they came too. As he pulled their big Chevy van into a narrow dirt driveway, my friend was astonished to come face to face with the house in her dreams. "It was THE house!" she told me in almost a whisper. "The EXACT house I've dreamed about all my life, right there in a little village in Spain." While she was visibly upset, not only by the discovery of the house, but because of the implications to her carefully structered religious belief system, she was also quite thrilled to have discovered the house was real. There was little I could do but assure her that it was actually a wonderful thing that she had found the house and now knew where it was located. I hoped she would be content to simply think of it as a happy place from another time that just for a moment, she was allowed to return to.
Oddly enough, she was able to direct her husband right back to the highway from there along a totally different route than the one that led them there without once referring to the map...
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
It's easy to ask, "why me?" and stay focused on the pain and the hurt. It's difficult to accept that we not only orchestrated the plan that's left us hurting, but participated willingly. The reasons we do this will be the subject of another post. Today I don't want you to focus on the things that have hurt you over the years - today I want you to remember the things that have given you joy over the years.
I'm taking this little departure from my usual musings about the mechanics of the reincarnational belief system because I think it's so important that we not lose focus on how wonderful our physical time is. We come here joyfully, hopefully and enthusiastically. We know beforehand that we're going to have some very trying times, but we also know that we're going to experience exquisitely wonderful physical and emotional sensations as well.
My intellectual side deals very well with the reincarnational concepts, but sometimes my emotional side has a hard time accepting the really hard lessons. My mother often said that any morning you wake up is a good morning. Even though that's hard to believe in my lowest moments, just a little time in the warm summer sun or short walk along the seashore will shift my focus and remind me that this is a beautiful place and I'm not only fortunate to be here, but that it is my choice to be here, no matter what the circumstances.
Monday, January 25, 2010
- If the parent lives long enough to become weakened by age, the child will be the stronger of the two and may begin beating the aged parent. This is not uncommon, especially if the adult child has not forgiven the beatings and still harbours anger towards the parent. In this case, one cycle could be completed in a single incarnation.
- The child may wait until another incarnation where the roles have been reversed so that it is the one administering the beatings.
Even though karma now seems to have been satisfied - that is, both parties have received and administered the beatings - it's likely that the cycle will continue to be repeated a number of times before one of the entities finally realizes that in order to stop the pain, it must 'turn the other cheek' and break the cycle. Thus a conscious decision is made by one of the parties not to return the beatings in this life, the next life or any life. The lesson has been learned and the entity is determined to move on and leave this particular scenario behind.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
From the moment of birth the foundations are being built for the lifetime and life lessons that await. Even though the personality is already defined, the physical environment and various human interactions will also contribute to round out the overall being.
Although the new incarnation was thoroughly discussed among the participants and certain events were decided prior to birth, the entity and those who interact with it are not doomed to play out a rigid lifetime that is totally dictated by fate. To the contrary, everyone has free will and can at any time change, alter or terminate the original plan.
What this means to you is that you are not at the mercy of some sinister plan that you can't remember forming and no longer want to participate in. You have choices now and you always will. Believing in reincarnation doesn't mean that you're locked into a lifetime drama where the play is already written and you simply recite your lines and take whatever the author has written into your part. Yes, there are karmic implications to the reincarnational cycle, but there is no rush to learn everything in this one lifetime. You may begin to journey down one path as planned and then decide that's not what you wish to do after all. Someone in your karmic circle may choose not to complete the entire cycle you had originally planned. It's ok if that happens, there will be other lives and other opportunities to complete the circle.
Sunday, January 17, 2010
As time passes, the child sleeps less and less, separating from the disembodied state and taking its place in the conscious, physical state. Eventually the conscious mind will dominate, surrendering to the subconscious only during sleeping hours. There will be times in the early years that the child will function in both realms, not yet fully separated from its unconscious state. This explains why children sometimes talk about seeing people or things that we can't, as I described in my post of October 31, 2009. However, some children will not completely lose their ability to see 'spirits' or visions, they will retain that ability and become what we refer to as psychics.
As we function in the physical world, we're usually not aware on a conscious level of the goals and tasks we've set for ourselves in life or the circumstances we've agreed to participate in for the sake others. Remember that we're not here only for our own journey, but also as players in the journeys of many others. If we knew what life held in store for us, it would totally negate the purpose of the journey. It is not only imperative that we not know, it is a kindness. I know of many people who regularly seek to find out about their future by visiting psychics or using some type of divination such as tarot cards, tea leaves, palm reading, or what have you. While all of those things may be of passing interest, knowing what the future holds would almost certainly be detrimental to the journeyor.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Even though you may already believe in the theory of reincarnation, perhaps you haven't really thought through the mechanics of it.
As explained in my previous post, each of us is responsible for the lessons we learn in any given life. What we learn isn't decided by the hand of some divine being or god, we learn lessons that we set for ourselves. This is a major stumbling block for some, as they don't want to take responsibility for their circumstances - it's much easier to blame it on God, or Fate or some other factor. In fact, it's very common (in the Christian world at least) when someone is beset with a tragedy, for others to offer such comforting words as, "God works in mysterious ways", or "Someday we'll understand", or "What doesn't kill us makes us stronger". While I'm sure such sentiments are well meant, they are in fact, quite mistaken. The bottom line is, you are making your own reality exactly as you planned to prior to assuming your earthly persona.
Before you entered your current life, you thought through all of the experiences you had in other lives. You created a plan based on what you wish to encounter in your current physical form, including both the pleasant and unpleasant, and any abilities or disabilities you possess. You have a circle, or cell of beings that you have been reincarnating with for many lives and you discussed the details of your current plan with them prior to taking your current form. Together you decided how best to achieve not only your own plan, but each of theirs as well. You sorted out beforehand who would be the parents, the siblings, the friends, the enemies, and even the passers by in this incarnation. Individually, you all have goals to attain, collectively you get it done.
There is a plan and you are the author.
Monday, January 4, 2010
I expect that most of my readers are living in North America, or at least in a western civilization. Your overall environment most certainly includes access to clean water and nutritious untainted food, good health care, religious and political freedom, public education systems and accredited universities, etc. But there are other environments on our planet, and even in our own countries, that don't include all of those things. A myriad of environments are available to the reincarnating entity. Not only can you choose from almost any situation that can be imagined, you have the power to abrubtly change your environment as many times as you desire.
Prior to returning to physical form, you will review your previous lives and accomplishments. You'll then decide upon which tasks and experiences you wish to achieve in the next incarnation. Through consultations with your nuclear 'cell' or inner circle of family and friends (as described in my last post), assistance will be garnered to help you achieve your goals. The consultations will include both living and 'dead' entities who have goals that complement your own. An environment will be selected and a plan will be woven in which all the players have specific roles and responsibilities, so that all of the required experiences will be met.
This is the tapestry that I first described in my post of September 27, 2009, The overall plan. Thus the plan is ready and the players on their marks and in their roles when the reincarnation begins. Even though you choose your parents and siblings prior to birth, the other entities in the family group have also agreed to the physical addition of the new member. There are no accidents of birth.
Humans have a very long maturing process and it takes years for the new entity to function easily in its physical environment. You will be born with your own individual personality and physical abilities (or disabilites, if you so choose). You will probably exhibit talents or predilections at an early age; for instance you may be very musical, mathematical or whimsical. Initially you will still be very connected to the disembodied state you had prior to birth, thus explaining why children are so often attributed with being attuned to the spirit world. As time passes, the previous incarnations will fade from your memory until you're fully immersed in the current physical world and generally unaware of your psychic side.
This separation from previous lives and experience is imperative to your ability to function in the here and now. If you were carrying around conscious memories of all of your past incarnations, you'd be darned confused in this one! While we'd all like to believe that we were royalty or persons of influence in our other lives, the fact is that the population generally is poor and hardworking. Chances are, most or all of your prior lives were not as the historical legends you may have hoped to be.
Your initial years are very much shaped by the people that you had chosen to be your parents and other family members. They are influencing how you think about yourself and the world, and generally laying the foundation for your future. Obviously, if you've been born into a family with financial means, you'll have a better opportunity to become well educated and exposed to a more cultural lifestyle than someone who was born to a family of little means. This is not an advantage nor a disadvantage, it is simply a component of your world.
As the years pass, you'll learn to function in your physical body. You'll also learn that all actions have consequences and hopefully you'll begin to develop reasoning powers so that good things happen and unpleasant results are avoided as much as possible. As you pass from childhood through your teenage years and into adulthood, millions of experiences, emotions and events will shape the person you are, but that will not change the essential you - the you that existed prior to your current time on earth. That you is still there and it's doing exactly what it planned to, with or without you conscious knowledge.
Saturday, January 2, 2010
I've often been tempted to just throw in the towel and let life happen. All my years of searching and honing my beliefs still don't make dealing with life's ups and downs any easier; and even though I know and I believe, I wonder about some of the things that I've 'allowed' to happen to me over the years.
The tenets of reincarnation are very basic, yet intricately complex. I've done a couple of posts on the topic already (see Initial comments on reincarnation posted on October 31, 2009 and More on reincarnation, which I posted the following day, November 1). In those posts, I touched on how our personalities are shaped before we're even born and/or exposed to environmental influences and I talked about some of my own past life memories. In this post, I'm going to attempt to expand on the concept of reincarnation as I believe it to be. There's an important component to reincarnation related to the concept of time, but for simplicity's sake, I won't introduce that topic yet, instead, I'd like to begin by citing one of my favourite quotes:
You will reincarnate whether or not you believe that you will. It is much easier if your theories fit reality; but if they do not, you will not change the nature of reincarnation one iota. (from the book, The Seth Material).
It is my belief that we reincarnate in groups or 'cells' of entities. This is generally a very large number of beings who all choose to reincarnate in the same time, but not necessarily the same location. (Such as described by Edgar Cayce, who spoke often about the large number of Atlanteans who were choosing to reincarnate in the twentieth century.) Thus a cell is not simply a handful of beings, but a very large population, often from another single era such as the continent of Atlantis or the American Revolutionary times. The large group shapes the environment needed to contain the workings of the small groups. Within the large group are our smaller, individual cells, each a nucleus of perhaps a few hundred beings, who work together to achieve their individual reincarnational requirements. To help you visualize, think of the larger group as the society that we live in, while the smaller groups are our personal circle of individual family members and friends.
So, before a particular reincarnational cycle begins, the environment (or stage, if you will) must be created. This is achieved in a number of ways through the actions and requirements of the entities. It is the physical manifestation of the term 'making your own reality', which is and will continue to be, a focal point thoughout my posts. Our earth is a very large place with an enormous number of possible environments for individuals cells to work within. When that is multiplied by the tremendous number of worlds in our universe, there is literally no end to the envronments that can be created in which to play out any type of life cycle.
The physical world as we know it is only one of millions that can and do exist. For reasons that may not be clear to your conscious self, but that are very significant to your unconscious or inner self, you have selected to be exactly where you are in exactly the situation you now find yourself. When we work through the next post or two, perhaps we can find out why.